In the Fall of 2019, I was assaulted during a tinder hookup in my college dorm. As a response, while dealing with this very difficult experience, I wrote this poem and later read this poem for the first time at an open mic:
pretend like nothing ever happened
tell your friends how good the dick was
smoke a shit ton
secretly wonder to yourself why it keeps happening again
tell your friends how sweet him kissing your face was
eat dinner: two burritos and some green beans
decide what time you will go to sleep
make some tea
head to your room (where it happened)
lay on your bed of exhaustion of (where it happened)
take your nightly medicine: lyrica, melatonin and others pills if you forgot to take the morning
dose
wash it down with the remaining kombucha tea that is so good.
lay back down
daydream about what happened to you
drift into dreams of being in the ocean, surrounded by sharks
wake up and begin noting what you need to get over this
Google search for what can be considered sexual assault or rape
Justify that this is a wrong-doing to yourself and try to believe it
Write out what you want to say to the person who has done the wrongdoing
write out what you want to say and what you need
demand an apology
but always wonder, is that enough?
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